Author of Date Like a Woman, Kai Nicole reached out to us and asked if we would review her book. And of course, how could we pass up the opportunity? Our dating lives are a joke.
I enjoyed this book when I approached it as Nicole's personal dating theory. So get ready Dewey Readers and sit down, tonight were going to have some "real talk."
I am a millennial woman. I'm 26 years old. I've been in two very serious LTRs. Nicole has also been in a couple LTRs, so in this regard we're sort of similar.
One thing that I wish Nicole mentioned more of in her book was how to online date & how to meet people in person. When approaching the subject of dating, it's important to keep in mind that the dating world has drastically changed within the past 10 years for the millennial woman. It's not as easy as it was for our parents, or for friends and family 10+ years our senior. But why? I think this is because our society is heavily screen cultured and screen oriented. All communication is done through a smartphone. I mean, we order food through an app, schedule doctors appointments through apps, e-mail our co-workers who are sitting upstairs, and yes, we ultimately end up dating through apps. It sucks, it really does, but that's the world the millennial woman faces.
Because of screen culture, we don't necessarily understand how to approach or communicate with people in person. I mean how many of us 20-30 somethings would be weirded out if a man suddenly approached us while we were minding out business at the local coffee shops? More than a few. So here enters the dating apps. Everyone's on them: Bumble, Coffee Meets Bagel, Hinge, OkCupid. That's real life. My friends and I have pondered "Why can't we just meet men and talk to them in real life? Why can't we meet like our parents?" or "Why do only creepy old men try to have conversations with us? Where are the young guys!?" We think it has something to do with our new screen culture and it makes us sad. Us late 20-somethings still had part of a childhood without smartphones, tablets, and wireless internet. So we have a smidgen of an idea as to what it's like to not be screen oriented. The younger 20-somethings..... I don't even want to think about it.
Nicole mentions that she personally does not like "online dating." Does anyone really like online dating? Swiping can be addictive, but I don't think anyone LOVES it. But because this book is a guide for the millennial woman, I wish it was addressed a little bit more. How do we navigate these apps to our full potential and how do we approach men in REAL LIFE? Does that even happen anymore? (Besides at bars, of course.) Nicole also mentions throwing your list of the "perfect man" away. I agree with this to a point. With real life dating, your meeting someone in person, you see them, maybe it's okay to be flexible. She begs us to not forget that "men chase and women chose." We can take these two points and relate them to Dating Apps. With Bumble for instance, men chase. They swipe and choose which women they like. Women also swipe but they can be picky. They choose which man they want to talk to. Men CAN'T message men first. However, because you're the one choosing you have the power to be picky. Is it bad to be picky? No. But if we keep Nicole's warning about the theoretical "perfect man list" in mind, it causes us to pause. Does it matter that he's a brunette over blonde? No. So what if he doesn't like books? Maybe there's something else there that's important. For me personally, I think it's important to be picky on some things. Decent job / goals, good heart, relatively normal. (It wouldn't hurt if they had a sport car they'd let me drive around, but after reading this book I'll take that off my list. I PROMISE.)
There were things that I agreed with that Nicole mentions. Nicole stress the importance of getting to know a man, and not judging him simply by the way that he looks. He must be a nice, smart, and successful guy because he has a suit on and drives a BMW, right? Maybe he stole the suit and it's his grandma's car. We don't know him, who are we to say? Another excellent thing Nicole mentions is that just because you went on a date (or handful of dates) with a man, does not mean that you're "dating." Hey, I'm not your girlfriend if the words aren't somehow verbalized either through a talk, introduction, something. You can't just assume.
This book made me think about how we date, about millennial culture, and my "list." I'm taking a break from Dating Apps for now. I'd like to see if I can attract a man through living life. Plus, dating would get in the way of my valuable pool time. I'm taking the summer off, unless something magical happens ala fate. Maybe I'll start back up in the fall when I'm bored and pool-less (sorry, mom) or maybe not. The world will never know.
I give this book 3 out of 5 Coffee Beans. If you want a dating book that will make you think about the theory of dates, pick this one up!
~Jessica
(Coffee Bean rating changed to reflect Goodreads rating system as per Publisher / Author request.)
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